Note to self: Life lessons you need not suffer through to learn!

Many of life's most difficult lessons I've had to learn over again as time passed. Others are quick lessons that I'll never forget. I like to call these lessons of learning my "Note to self" moments!

"Note to self" entry number one:

Many things occur from sneaking a piece of cake and none of them are good. I was recently involved in a fifth grade graduation celebration at the school where I work. The PTO purchased a beautiful cake and served it to the children. The cake grabbed my attention as soon as I walked in the room. "Oooo~ pretty cake," my mind prompted. I replied with condescending dignity, "Yes, it's beautiful and it's in our school colors too." Put off by my tone, my mind went on to other matters. I hugged students who would be leaving for middle school and talked to parents about how much their child had grown and how the time had flown by so quickly. Then, my mind interrupted me mid-sentence..."You hoo, I said 'pretty cake'!" Annoyed with my mind and its sing-song determination, I ignored it and kept speaking with the parent who probably wondered why a severe twitch had developed in the corner of my eye. "Helloooo~ pretty cake!"

With great annoyance I walked my mind to the cake table saying, "We will look only; we are NOT eating the cake, it's for the children." As we approached the table, my mind jumped up and down like a three year old entering Toys R Us!

There it was~ a corner piece sitting on a small yellow plate, fork lying beside it, all I had to do was pick it up. "Noooo, we are not going to eat it." Again, my mind reminded me that it was a very pretty cake and it had a beautiful cluster of royal blue roses on it~ beautiful, big, royal blue roses. The next thing I know the cake plate was in my hand. I mentally checked out of the room. I eased back slowly to the corner of the room and became an observer, hidden in the shadows of the crowd. My eyes darted around the room, was anyone watching me?

With total certainty no one was looking, I sliced off the edge from the corner piece with my fork. It had a huge glob of roses on it and I shoved it in my mouth; chocolate cake, royal blue roses with white icing...it all tasted the same; sickening sweet. Still, it was like crack cocaine and I had to have more. Before an entire minute passed my small plate was empty. I felt....ashamed. Damn that stupid cake, damn it all to hell!! I looked around quickly. What luck! No one seemed to care a fig about whether I ate a piece of cake or not. So, I quickly threw the plate and plastic fork in to the nearest trash can and I got a drink from the nearest water fountain; no one would be the wiser.

With great decorum I re-entered the social gathering. I was speaking with the father of one student and I noticed he kept looking at my mouth, almost seductively; half smiling and very intently. I thought I might need to schedule an appointment for an upper lip waxing, but I'd checked that before leaving for work, so what? He probably wanted to kiss me. I hoped not...the guy had been a jerk since the beginning of the school year! I'll never forget when he showed up drunk to a school event and as he approached me I asked how he was doing. He said with slurred speech, "Everybody I can and the easy ones twice!" I'll give you a minute to let that sink in....yeah, um...ew! Anyway, that was months ago and now he is staring at my lips. Creeped out completely, I moved on and spoke with a coworker. She laughed a lot as we spoke and asked, "How's the cake?" I said it was good and turned pink with embarrassment because I'd been seen sneaking it in the corner.

Over the course of the next twenty or thirty minutes parents requested pictures of me with their child. I smiled brightly and imagined the photos in award-winning scrapbooks at some point and time. I signed yearbooks, I joked and laughed with the children and their families. Soon it was time to go back to the classroom. When I returned with my students I went into our restroom, while washing my hands I looked up in the mirror and almost screamed aloud in horror!! My lips were completely BLUE, bright royal blue!! I checked my teeth...not royal blue like my lips, but a beautiful shade of grayish/greenish blue. The kind that looks cute on a three year old eating a snow cone at the ball park, however on me it looked like I was a character from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video!

Note to self~ Never try to "sneak" a piece of cake with royal blue frosting!