Mothers (Dog) Day!

Slept in this morning! Awoke to beautiful sunshine (the mark of a good day ahead). Shuffled downstairs, half-eaten pizza on top of stove, three piles of doggie doo on the throw carpet. Thought, "This is not going to ruin my mood or interfere with my state of mind today!" I put the three dogs (who were mistakenly fed twice yesterday) outside. The known fence-jumper securely hooked to the dog line. I turned to go back into the house and Fence-Jumper took off in a rush down the steps of the deck! It gave me some sadistic pleasure knowing he would reach the end of the dog-line and be jerked back to his reality (evil laugh). Then, as I shut the sliding door, I heard barking that would drown out a train whistle or Fire house alarm. I ran back outside. Kids, screaming, grown ups yelling, dogs barking. I'm on my deck with bed head; still in my jammies. The fence-jumper has apparently taught my nice, mannerly, non-fence jumper to be a fence-jumper and she was running toward a lovely family walking the trail. Meanwhile, Fence-Jumper I is sounding out the alarm for everyone in Kent County to hear. His bark is ear piercingly loud anyway, now add ten more decibels! I'm trying to get down the steep hill incline in my yard to the gate to get our new fence-jumper back to our yard. I forgot there was a holly tree at the gate entrance from the trail and I didn't have shoes on. So I am walking on hot coals (okay, dried holly leaves with prickers), my anxiety level rising because I'm in my pajamas with wild hair and it was like opening day at the ball park on Brecknock's wooded trail this morning~ people coming by one after the other in both directions. Well, NEW Fence-Jumper comes when I call her (Good dog!) and she runs up to the gate, which has been secured with a chain and lock due to prior escapes offered by SMART dogs (Golden Retreivers and Labs) walking on the trail who know how to use their noses to open the gate for my stupid fence-jumpers who never figured that out. I digress... So, I know have my hand on a firm grip of Fence-jumper II's collar. Fence-Jumper 1 is STILL sounding the alarm, my blood pressure is rising and my embarrassment unsurpassed. I try to get Fence-Jumper II to jump BACK over the fence to the yard. Yeah...you already know how that went. Why would she look at me like I was the crazy one when she jumped OVER it to get out?? Then, I see a black shiny patent-leather leash hanging on our fence. WHAT??! I am SO thankful it's there I could care less how it came to be there. I grab it and hook Fence-Jumper II's collar to it and hook it over the post top of the fence. She's stuck there, people are still scared to walk by her and kids are squealing, people doing their best to keep their dogs from instigating another free-for-all alarm! So, I teeter back up the steep incline, aware now that I have dried holly tree leaves stuck in my feet. I grab F-J I with much more force than I should have and bring him back into the house. I go upstairs and wake up my husband who jumps into action before I can get this whole story out to him. Meanwhile, I am following him back downstairs to the deck and he is on his way out the door. "WAIT!!!" I yell and he freezes, "You have to put PANTS on!" He's so annoyed by the fence-jumping duo, he doesn't care and is going out anyway. I shout again, "WAIT!!" I tell him he CAN'T go out there because he will get arrested. Really, he had on boxers and I was the only one who cared (more than likely), but I was already mortified by all the drama and I didn't want anyone to see my husband in his underwear/ He goes back up to get his pants (and shoes~ smart man!) thank God. I go outside to see F-J II sitting quietly next to the fence gate with a beautiful patent leather leash attached to her and the gate. I wonder now, where did that leash come from? But, I say a silent thank you to my guardian angel for having it there. Now, husband safely makes it down the steep hill and to the fence. F-J I is now sounding the alarm again, but from inside the house. So, now the sound level is similar to how loud it would be if you lived a block away from the train tracks or fire house rather than right next door. My head is pounding from the noise, the frustration and embarrassment. My husband begins to curse as a result of discovering that the chain lock on the gate is not a pad lock with a combination, it has a key lock and... I don't know where the key is. He then tried all the coaxing and lifting that I tried to do with F-J II; yielding the same results. F-J II will not budge back over the fence. So now, I have added a very ticked off husband to the mix of drama and the pounding in my head is more severe. Meanwhile, we are like a reverse-parade for the walkers, runners and bikers on the trail. They couldn't help but watch us because we were definitely a train-wreck. Finally, my almost 50 year old mind snaps back to logic and I think I may know where my grown son might have put the key. I run back into the house and VOILA! Again, I thank my guardian angel! I toss the key down to my husband who gets the dog back into our yard and re-locks the gate. (??) He follow F-J II into the house and without another word walks straight back upstairs to bed. I quickly get busy cleaning up the three piles of dog-doo on the throw rug (thanks to my old pug, who was an innocent bystander of the great escape earlier; however, he is solely responsible for the doo). F-J I and F-J II are keeping a safe distance from me at this point and time (not as stupid as I've thought they were). A false-sense of peace has fallen over my house as I type this, drink a cup of coffee and begin to feel the effects of three Advil work on my headache. I sincerely apologize to my neighbors and all of the children on the trail who may have heard strange words being shouted by my husband that their parents will have to explain to them "later". Note to self: Always install a tall fence! Always...